Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
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I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
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My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
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Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
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I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
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I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
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I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
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My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Paul Ndomba (Guest) on March 8, 2021
How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern… 🧛♂️✉️
Issack (Guest) on March 7, 2021
I always carry a pen in my pocket, just in case someone gives me their autograph... on a check. ✍️💰
Patrick Mutua (Guest) on March 7, 2021
I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow. ⏰😂
Zakia (Guest) on March 1, 2021
I needed this laugh, thanks for sharing! 😅
Agnes Lowassa (Guest) on February 21, 2021
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you do for fun. 🎮🤔
Hellen Nduta (Guest) on February 18, 2021
Why did the teddy bear skip dessert? Because it was stuffed! 🧸🍰
Josephine Nekesa (Guest) on February 18, 2021
🤣 This joke is too good!
Samson Tibaijuka (Guest) on February 17, 2021
😄 You got me!
Sekela (Guest) on January 28, 2021
I need to get in shape. If I were murdered right now, my chalk outline would be a circle. 🧍♀️🔵
George Mallya (Guest) on January 16, 2021
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y. 🔠🤔
Mustafa (Guest) on January 11, 2021
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers! 🥷👟
Shabani (Guest) on January 9, 2021
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese! 🧀🤣
Carol Nyakio (Guest) on January 2, 2021
Why did the baker go to therapy? He had too much on his plate! 🍰🛋️
Samuel Were (Guest) on December 31, 2020
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure. 🤷♀️
Majid (Guest) on December 30, 2020
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead! 🎩🏃♂️
Baridi (Guest) on December 27, 2020
I had my patience tested. I’m negative. 😂⏳
Dorothy Nkya (Guest) on December 27, 2020
If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had some ice cream right now. 🍦💸
Joseph Mallya (Guest) on December 17, 2020
What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud! 🌻👋
Andrew Mchome (Guest) on December 1, 2020
If Monday had a face, I’d punch it. 🥊📅
Dorothy Mwakalindile (Guest) on November 26, 2020
Why don’t mountains get cold in the winter? They wear snowcaps! 🏔️❄️
Moses Mwita (Guest) on November 26, 2020
Wine improves with age. The older I get, the more I like it. 🍷😎
Hamida (Guest) on November 25, 2020
How do you organize a space party? You planet! 🌌🪐
Zubeida (Guest) on November 24, 2020
🤣 This one’s fire!
Stephen Amollo (Guest) on November 22, 2020
Sarcasm is my love language. 💬😏
Emily Chepngeno (Guest) on November 14, 2020
Life is too short to remove USB safely. 🔌💻
Kevin Maina (Guest) on November 4, 2020
I wonder how many calories I burn by jumping to conclusions. 🤔🤸♂️
Nasra (Guest) on October 23, 2020
🤣 This joke just made my whole day!
Latifa (Guest) on October 20, 2020
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is? 🍫❓
Sumaya (Guest) on October 19, 2020
I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but have you ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room? 🦸♀️🤫
Lucy Wangui (Guest) on October 19, 2020
What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! 🐻🌧️
Sofia (Guest) on October 2, 2020
😃 Instant mood boost!
Charles Mboje (Guest) on September 28, 2020
Haha, this is the best laugh I've had all week! 😁
Nora Kidata (Guest) on September 25, 2020
How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots! 💻🍺
Mazrui (Guest) on September 21, 2020
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too young to smoke! 🏠🚭
Francis Njeru (Guest) on September 17, 2020
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! 📖😆
Khadija (Guest) on September 13, 2020
Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny! 🦈🤡
Henry Mollel (Guest) on August 29, 2020
What kind of music do mummies like? Wrap music! 🎶🧻
Joyce Aoko (Guest) on August 21, 2020
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels! 🥯🌊
Yusuf (Guest) on August 20, 2020
What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise? The plank! 🏴☠️🦵
Bernard Oduor (Guest) on August 20, 2020
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat. 🧍♂️🍔
Catherine Naliaka (Guest) on July 25, 2020
I'm a multitasker. I can listen, ignore, and forget all at once. 🎧🤔
Umi (Guest) on July 21, 2020
How do you make a squid laugh? With ten-tickles! 🦑😂
Janet Sumaye (Guest) on July 18, 2020
How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience! 🥒🥒
Margaret Anyango (Guest) on July 5, 2020
Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his arrrrr-ticulation! 🏴☠️📚
Mariam Hassan (Guest) on July 4, 2020
I’m not really a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that? 😎🔧
Jaffar (Guest) on June 29, 2020
How does a dog stop a video? He presses the paws button! 🐕⏸️
Mwakisu (Guest) on June 27, 2020
Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity. 😜🛡️
Halima (Guest) on June 24, 2020
It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste. 😜😎
Jane Muthui (Guest) on June 18, 2020
Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants! 👖🚨
Janet Mwikali (Guest) on May 26, 2020
Why did the tree go to the dentist? It needed a root canal! 🌳🦷
Benjamin Kibicho (Guest) on May 6, 2020
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life. ⏱️😆
Josephine Nekesa (Guest) on April 25, 2020
I need a six-month vacation, twice a year. 🏝️😅
Andrew Mahiga (Guest) on April 23, 2020
I think my guardian angel drinks. 😇🍷
Victor Mwalimu (Guest) on April 22, 2020
What’s brown and sticky? A stick! 🌿😂
Sarafina (Guest) on April 10, 2020
Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because they’re transparent! 👻🤥
Kassim (Guest) on April 4, 2020
I have a love-hate relationship with Mondays. I love to hate them. 😡📅
Susan Wangari (Guest) on April 3, 2020
If you can’t handle me at my worst, just wait. It gets worse. 😂🤯
Anna Sumari (Guest) on March 21, 2020
If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much. 🛳️💦
Joseph Mallya (Guest) on March 15, 2020
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce? Chicken Caesar salad! 🐔🥗
Diana Mumbua (Guest) on March 12, 2020
If life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. 🍋👁️