Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
-
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
-
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
-
I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
-
My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
-
Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
-
I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
-
I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
-
I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
-
My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
-
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Diana Mumbua (Guest) on May 20, 2018
I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks. 🌍🤣
Kijakazi (Guest) on May 16, 2018
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a nap. 🛌😴
Charles Mchome (Guest) on May 10, 2018
Why don’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless! ✏️😜
Diana Mallya (Guest) on May 9, 2018
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 'Alright, get in the basket'. 🚲👮♂️
Vincent Mwangangi (Guest) on May 6, 2018
Running is great. Unless you faint. 🏃♀️🥵
Janet Mbithe (Guest) on April 16, 2018
Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done. 😴
Peter Mwambui (Guest) on April 9, 2018
Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a troll? 🛏️🧌
Jane Muthoni (Guest) on April 5, 2018
😂 This is a keeper!
Shani (Guest) on March 26, 2018
😂 I’m dying!
Irene Akoth (Guest) on March 24, 2018
😂 Can't stop laughing!
Mwanakhamis (Guest) on March 23, 2018
Just what I needed today! Thank you! 😜
Victor Kimario (Guest) on March 19, 2018
😄 Too good!
Rubea (Guest) on March 18, 2018
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! 🚴♀️😴
Fikiri (Guest) on February 28, 2018
I could give up chocolate, but I’m not a quitter. 🍫💪
Stephen Kangethe (Guest) on February 28, 2018
I’ve had my patience tested. I’m negative. 😜⏳
Christopher Oloo (Guest) on February 26, 2018
Why did the fisherman put peanut butter into the sea? To go with the jellyfish! 🥜🐙
Mwanais (Guest) on February 22, 2018
😅 I needed that laugh!
Omar (Guest) on February 13, 2018
Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets! 💸🍹
Joyce Aoko (Guest) on February 8, 2018
My phone battery lasts longer than most people at work. 📱💼
Susan Wangari (Guest) on February 5, 2018
Why do elephants never use cell phones? Because they can’t fit them in their trunks! 🐘📱
Andrew Odhiambo (Guest) on February 5, 2018
Why did the calendar go to therapy? It had too many dates! 📅🛋️
Furaha (Guest) on January 31, 2018
I’m not saying I’m Batman, but you’ve never seen us in the same room together. 🦸♂️🦇
Tabitha Okumu (Guest) on January 25, 2018
Life is too short to wear boring socks. 🧦🎉
Brian Karanja (Guest) on January 25, 2018
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money. 💵🚶♂️
Tambwe (Guest) on January 20, 2018
😄 You totally won the internet today!
John Kamande (Guest) on January 5, 2018
😆 Still cracking up!
Ramadhan (Guest) on December 26, 2017
I have too many apps on my phone, but there’s no app to keep track of them. 📱😆
Yahya (Guest) on December 25, 2017
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener! 🥫🚫
Jaffar (Guest) on December 24, 2017
Running late is my cardio. 🕒🏃♀️
Patrick Mutua (Guest) on December 13, 2017
If we’re not supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? 🧀🌙
Majid (Guest) on December 7, 2017
There’s no 'we' in fries. 🍟🤨
Wande (Guest) on December 7, 2017
Why are pirates great singers? Because they can hit the high Cs! 🏴☠️🎶
Charles Wafula (Guest) on November 25, 2017
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! ⚛️🤓
Benjamin Masanja (Guest) on November 23, 2017
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish! 🦪😜
Nyota (Guest) on November 23, 2017
🤣 Pure genius!
Mzee (Guest) on November 19, 2017
What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple! 🐱💜
Dorothy Mwakalindile (Guest) on November 17, 2017
I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food. 🍔💻
Nassor (Guest) on November 13, 2017
What’s a frog’s favorite candy? Lollihops! 🐸🍭
Peter Tibaijuka (Guest) on November 12, 2017
I hate when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong. 🎤🤷♀️
Joyce Mussa (Guest) on October 19, 2017
😆 I’m dying over here!
Sharifa (Guest) on October 15, 2017
I'm not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? 😏🤔
Shamim (Guest) on October 6, 2017
I smile because I don’t know what’s going on. 😁🤷♂️
Salum (Guest) on October 5, 2017
😁 Best laugh of the day!
John Kamande (Guest) on September 26, 2017
Why don’t ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies! 🐜💉
Mwanakhamis (Guest) on September 23, 2017
I don’t need to be perfect. I need to be caffeinated. ☕😆
Agnes Sumaye (Guest) on September 22, 2017
Why do ducks always pay with cash? Because they don’t like bills! 🦆💵
Francis Mrope (Guest) on September 16, 2017
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring. So, I go back to being me. 🦸♂️💪
Samuel Omondi (Guest) on August 19, 2017
😁 This is gold!
Nancy Kawawa (Guest) on August 18, 2017
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 🛏️💭
Diana Mallya (Guest) on August 5, 2017
I’m multitasking: I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time. 🧠🎧
Lucy Wangui (Guest) on August 5, 2017
I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee. ☕📖
Rahim (Guest) on August 4, 2017
I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me. 🚶♂️😜
Francis Mtangi (Guest) on August 2, 2017
🤣 Sending this now!
Mary Sokoine (Guest) on July 30, 2017
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business! 🌶️🤭
Latifa (Guest) on July 19, 2017
If Monday had a face, I’d punch it. 🥊📅
Makame (Guest) on June 19, 2017
I wish I were a little kid so I could take a long nap and everyone would be proud of me. 🍼😴
Kassim (Guest) on May 31, 2017
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside, too. 💄😜
Nassar (Guest) on May 31, 2017
🤣 I’m literally dying of laughter!
Henry Sokoine (Guest) on May 25, 2017
I hate when I’m singing along to a song and the artist gets the words wrong. 🎤🎶
Tambwe (Guest) on May 16, 2017
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! 🐘🌳