Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
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I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
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My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
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Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
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I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
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I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
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I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
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My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Ali (Guest) on October 15, 2022
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. 📚✍️
Elizabeth Malima (Guest) on October 7, 2022
Wine is to women as duct tape is to men—it fixes everything. 🍷😂
Esther Nyambura (Guest) on September 20, 2022
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash! 💵❄️
Rose Lowassa (Guest) on September 12, 2022
I can’t cook, but I can follow directions—so if I fail, it’s the recipe’s fault. 🍳🤷♂️
Khatib (Guest) on September 7, 2022
What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? Put it on my bill! 🦆💄
Rahim (Guest) on September 7, 2022
What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh! 🐟👁️
Selemani (Guest) on August 29, 2022
I told myself I should stop drinking, but I'm not about to listen to a drunk who talks to himself. 🍻🗣️
Habiba (Guest) on August 26, 2022
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I’m gaining weight. 🍕📏
Mhina (Guest) on August 21, 2022
I’d give up sarcasm, but that leaves me speechless. 😏🤐
Mgeni (Guest) on August 19, 2022
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. ⏳🙃
Dorothy Nkya (Guest) on August 19, 2022
Why did the farmer win the lottery? Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾💵
Zakia (Guest) on August 17, 2022
I’m not late. I’m just very early for tomorrow. ⏰😂
Edwin Ndambuki (Guest) on August 15, 2022
Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? She kept running away from the ball! 👠⚽
Jane Muthui (Guest) on August 10, 2022
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits! 👨⚖️👔
George Ndungu (Guest) on July 24, 2022
This just made my coffee break so much better! ☕😆
Mwanaisha (Guest) on July 23, 2022
Do I have a date tonight? Yes! April 24th. Does that count? 📅😆
Rahma (Guest) on July 20, 2022
😆 That punchline was epic!
Biashara (Guest) on July 14, 2022
What do you call an owl that does magic? Hooo-dini! 🦉🎩
Janet Sumaye (Guest) on July 10, 2022
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you! 🌋❤️
Mhina (Guest) on July 9, 2022
Why don’t skeletons go to parties? They have no body to dance with! 🦴🎉
Alice Mrema (Guest) on July 7, 2022
This one really got me, what a punchline! 😆
Nassor (Guest) on July 4, 2022
Dear math, I’m not a therapist. Solve your own problems. 📚🤯
Alice Mrema (Guest) on June 22, 2022
In my defense, I was left unsupervised. 🙆♂️😂
Abubakari (Guest) on June 21, 2022
Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me—I’ll laugh at you. 😂📞
David Chacha (Guest) on June 19, 2022
You know you’re getting old when your candles cost more than your cake. 🎂🔥
David Nyerere (Guest) on June 10, 2022
What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? A stega-snore-us! 🦕😴
Catherine Naliaka (Guest) on June 8, 2022
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 🦩😂
Rehema (Guest) on June 7, 2022
I may be a little quiet, but I have so many thoughts running through my mind that I’m talking to myself non-stop. 🗣️💭
Benjamin Masanja (Guest) on June 4, 2022
I haven’t lost my mind. It’s backed up on a hard drive somewhere. 💾🤯
Jane Muthoni (Guest) on May 31, 2022
Why can’t you trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something! 🛗🤔
Alice Wanjiru (Guest) on May 27, 2022
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells! 👀👃
Mchuma (Guest) on May 26, 2022
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it! 🤧💃
Samuel Omondi (Guest) on May 25, 2022
I’m still cracking up, that was brilliant! 🤣
Anna Malela (Guest) on May 24, 2022
😂 Can’t wait to share this!
Shamim (Guest) on May 15, 2022
I would lose weight, but I don’t like losing. 🏋️♂️😆
Maida (Guest) on May 14, 2022
You know you’re an adult when you get excited about things like ‘cleaning supplies.’ 🧼🛒
Kevin Maina (Guest) on May 14, 2022
I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, and jumped. And then I got stuck in my leotard. 🩳😂
Stephen Malecela (Guest) on May 12, 2022
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 🚪😆
Nora Kidata (Guest) on April 30, 2022
I’m not bossy, I’m the boss. Big difference. 😎👩💼
Athumani (Guest) on April 30, 2022
I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge. 💖🍕
Victor Mwalimu (Guest) on April 23, 2022
😂 I’m seriously crying over here!
Rose Lowassa (Guest) on April 20, 2022
I’m not weird; I’m limited edition. 😜🦄
Peter Mugendi (Guest) on April 20, 2022
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange! 🧛♂️🍊
Rose Waithera (Guest) on April 14, 2022
😆 That punchline!
Hamida (Guest) on April 11, 2022
Brilliant! The timing was perfect! ⏰
Janet Sumari (Guest) on April 7, 2022
The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary. 📖💼
Linda Karimi (Guest) on April 5, 2022
If lying was a job, I'd be on a Forbes list by now. 😇📝
Alice Wanjiru (Guest) on March 19, 2022
I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger. ❤️🍔
Omar (Guest) on March 14, 2022
I’m definitely telling this one to my friends! 😄
Khatib (Guest) on March 14, 2022
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. 😴🙃
Raha (Guest) on March 13, 2022
I can’t wait to tell this joke at my next party! 🎉
Chris Okello (Guest) on March 6, 2022
I can’t brain today. I has the dumb. 🧠🤯
Samuel Were (Guest) on March 5, 2022
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 🚗💵
Mwanajuma (Guest) on March 1, 2022
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut. 🥗🍩
Elizabeth Malima (Guest) on March 1, 2022
Monday should be optional. 😴⏳
Nuru (Guest) on February 23, 2022
Why don’t vampires like garlic? It’s a pain in the neck! 🧛♂️🧄
Athumani (Guest) on February 22, 2022
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! ⛄💪
Zubeida (Guest) on February 18, 2022
What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador! 🐕✨
Grace Minja (Guest) on February 13, 2022
What do you call a skeleton who won't work? Lazy bones! 💀😴
Grace Majaliwa (Guest) on February 12, 2022
This joke deserves an award! 🏆