Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
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I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
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My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
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Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
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I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
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I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
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I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
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My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Rubea (Guest) on September 3, 2023
I’ve tried yoga, but I find stress less boring. 🧘♂️😆
Thomas Mtaki (Guest) on August 31, 2023
How do construction workers party? They raise the roof! 👷♂️🏗️
Thomas Mwakalindile (Guest) on August 26, 2023
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. ⏳🏃♂️
Dorothy Mwakalindile (Guest) on August 17, 2023
😂 This is too funny!
Saidi (Guest) on August 16, 2023
Sometimes I talk to myself. Then we both laugh. 😂👥
Nchi (Guest) on August 13, 2023
🤣 Didn’t see it coming!
Lucy Mahiga (Guest) on August 10, 2023
Why don’t we ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? 🎱💰
Grace Majaliwa (Guest) on August 3, 2023
Coffee: because adulting is hard. 😩☕
Isaac Kiptoo (Guest) on August 1, 2023
Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one! 🧦⛳
Mwanaidi (Guest) on July 17, 2023
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it! 💧🔥
Furaha (Guest) on July 14, 2023
😆 Bookmarking this!
Mwanajuma (Guest) on July 14, 2023
I’m not overweight. I’m just under-tall. 🏋️♂️🤏
Faith Kariuki (Guest) on July 12, 2023
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well! 🍌🤒
Anna Sumari (Guest) on June 25, 2023
I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up: a kid again. 👶🤣
Grace Majaliwa (Guest) on June 6, 2023
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s R, but it be the C! 🏴☠️🌊
Rose Amukowa (Guest) on June 3, 2023
I’m not procrastinating, I’m just on a procrastination break. ⏳🙃
John Lissu (Guest) on June 1, 2023
😁 This is an absolute gem of a joke!
Victor Mwalimu (Guest) on May 28, 2023
Why did the electrician break up with the light bulb? It was too high-maintenance! 💡💔
Andrew Mahiga (Guest) on May 18, 2023
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong. 🤷♂️😆
Sofia (Guest) on May 2, 2023
How does a polar bear build its house? Igloos it together! 🐻❄️🏠
Zainab (Guest) on April 23, 2023
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. 🍷🙏
Stephen Mushi (Guest) on April 14, 2023
I am not lazy, I am on power-saving mode. ⚡😌
Alex Nyamweya (Guest) on April 5, 2023
The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 🕰️😴
Sarah Karani (Guest) on April 3, 2023
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee? Bah-humbug! 🐑🐝
Ann Awino (Guest) on April 2, 2023
How do bees get to school? By school buzz! 🐝🚌
Charles Wafula (Guest) on March 22, 2023
How do you throw a space party? You planet! 🪐🎉
Michael Mboya (Guest) on March 18, 2023
I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me. 🚉🤔
Mzee (Guest) on March 18, 2023
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing. 🏃♂️😴
Dorothy Nkya (Guest) on March 15, 2023
I don’t make mistakes. I date them. 💔😂
Margaret Anyango (Guest) on March 14, 2023
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house? The living room! 💀🛋️
Esther Cheruiyot (Guest) on March 13, 2023
😄 What a joke!
Jamal (Guest) on March 6, 2023
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. 😲👀
Abdullah (Guest) on March 3, 2023
Life is like a roller coaster. And I'm stuck in the line for the bathroom. 🎢🚻
Nassar (Guest) on February 14, 2023
What do you call an angry carrot? A steamed veggie! 🥕😡
Nassar (Guest) on February 12, 2023
What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream! 🎣📺
David Ochieng (Guest) on February 3, 2023
What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory! 🐍📚
Ruth Kibona (Guest) on February 1, 2023
😅 Needed this laugh, thanks!
Athumani (Guest) on January 18, 2023
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ⏰💼
Athumani (Guest) on January 14, 2023
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. 🤷♂️😅
Kenneth Murithi (Guest) on January 3, 2023
If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off? 👠🤔
Masika (Guest) on January 2, 2023
I didn’t see that punchline coming—hilarious! 🤣
Ruth Mtangi (Guest) on December 31, 2022
😃 This made me laugh out loud for real!
Mzee (Guest) on December 25, 2022
Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe! 🍈💍
Zakia (Guest) on December 22, 2022
Why does cooking take six hours, but eating takes like three seconds? ⏲️🍽️
Rahma (Guest) on December 22, 2022
Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy pizza, which is kind of the same thing. 🍕💸
Umi (Guest) on December 22, 2022
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! 🍇🍷
Edward Lowassa (Guest) on December 19, 2022
I run like the winded. 🏃♂️💨
Salum (Guest) on December 8, 2022
I'm not really lazy. I'm just on my energy-saving mode. 💡😴
Edwin Ndambuki (Guest) on November 27, 2022
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. 🐟🍕
Thomas Mtaki (Guest) on November 20, 2022
I don’t need an inspirational quote. I need coffee. ☕📜
Joseph Kawawa (Guest) on November 15, 2022
I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. 🤯🤪
Esther Nyambura (Guest) on November 15, 2022
I’ve got to save this one, too funny! 😆
Mazrui (Guest) on November 5, 2022
Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze! 🐟🌊
Halima (Guest) on October 31, 2022
What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved! 🌊👋
Nassor (Guest) on October 30, 2022
I run like the winded. 🏃♀️😮💨
Leila (Guest) on October 29, 2022
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools! 🐠🏫
Grace Mushi (Guest) on October 20, 2022
I'd agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. 🤔🤷♂️
John Kamande (Guest) on October 20, 2022
I don’t have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long. 🤷♂️😂
Monica Lissu (Guest) on October 17, 2022
Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they’re always stuffed! 🧸🍽️
Maulid (Guest) on October 16, 2022
Why don’t scientists trust stairs? They’re always leading you up to something! 🧪🪜