Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
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I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
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My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
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Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
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I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
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I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
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I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
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My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
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Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Mtumwa (Guest) on March 12, 2020
Why did the music teacher go to jail? She got caught with too many notes! 🎼👮♀️
Joyce Nkya (Guest) on March 10, 2020
This joke is a keeper for sure! 😁
Rabia (Guest) on March 10, 2020
I love my computer because my friends live in it. 💻💖
John Kamande (Guest) on March 7, 2020
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. ⏳🏃♂️
Sarah Karani (Guest) on March 6, 2020
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam! 🐠🚧
Michael Onyango (Guest) on February 27, 2020
I wasn’t born to 'just get things done'—I was born to confuse people with my nonsense. 🤯🤪
Victor Mwalimu (Guest) on February 25, 2020
I’m not weird, I’m limited edition. 🦄😜
Joy Wacera (Guest) on February 17, 2020
Whoever said laughter is the best medicine clearly hasn’t tried chocolate. 🍫😂
Lucy Mushi (Guest) on February 9, 2020
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn? 🌽🍿
Ndoto (Guest) on February 8, 2020
Why did the watch break up with the clock? It found someone better for the time being! ⏰💔
Raphael Okoth (Guest) on February 6, 2020
Calories don’t count if you eat with friends. 🍰👯♂️
Peter Mbise (Guest) on January 15, 2020
The road to success is always under construction. 🚧🏗️
Jamal (Guest) on December 26, 2019
Love this! Keep them coming! 😁
Grace Mushi (Guest) on December 20, 2019
Thanks Ackyshine
Maulid (Guest) on December 14, 2019
Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I put my keys in the fridge. 🔑🧊
Binti (Guest) on December 9, 2019
😆 Totally hilarious!
Henry Mollel (Guest) on December 7, 2019
I wish everything was as easy as getting fat. 🍔😆
Edith Cherotich (Guest) on December 4, 2019
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop! 🐷🥋
Mwakisu (Guest) on December 4, 2019
How does a bee brush its hair? With a honeycomb! 🐝🪮
James Kawawa (Guest) on November 28, 2019
I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult. 😬🧸
Sarah Achieng (Guest) on November 27, 2019
Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse! 🐱🖱️
Yusuf (Guest) on November 23, 2019
I don’t have a bucket list, but my fucket list is a mile long. 🤷♂️😂
Ruth Kibona (Guest) on November 19, 2019
Why are ghosts such bad liars? You can see right through them! 👻😜
Violet Mumo (Guest) on November 16, 2019
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode. 💤🔋
David Ochieng (Guest) on November 14, 2019
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. 😁🦷
Joseph Mallya (Guest) on November 12, 2019
If my jeans could talk, they’d say, 'Stop eating!' 👖🍕
Grace Wairimu (Guest) on November 4, 2019
I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea. 🥃☕
Lucy Mahiga (Guest) on October 19, 2019
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring, so I go back to being me. 🎭🦸♂️
Zulekha (Guest) on October 19, 2019
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already. 🥃😂
Josephine Nduta (Guest) on October 12, 2019
How does a lion greet other animals? Pleased to eat you! 🦁🍽️
Raha (Guest) on October 10, 2019
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. 🙄👨💼
Jabir (Guest) on October 8, 2019
This is the kind of joke you don’t forget! 😂
Wande (Guest) on October 5, 2019
My bank account is like a waterfall. Just constant flow... of money going away. 💸🏞️
Andrew Mchome (Guest) on October 2, 2019
Why are spiders great at websites? Because they’re always catching bugs! 🕷️💻
Anna Kibwana (Guest) on September 16, 2019
I would lose weight, but I hate losing. 😂🏆
Nancy Akumu (Guest) on September 16, 2019
Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back! 😴💔
Fadhili (Guest) on September 16, 2019
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with him! 💀🕺
Selemani (Guest) on September 13, 2019
😂 This joke just made my day!
Monica Lissu (Guest) on September 12, 2019
Absolutely nailed it, what a joke! 😄
Michael Mboya (Guest) on September 12, 2019
I always give 100% at work—12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday... 📅😂
Daniel Obura (Guest) on September 10, 2019
What’s a snowman’s favorite snack? Ice Krispies! ⛄🍚
Lydia Wanyama (Guest) on September 5, 2019
When I said I’d do it later, I didn’t mean tomorrow. I meant next year. 📅😆
Mwanahawa (Guest) on August 20, 2019
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! 🍇🍷
George Tenga (Guest) on August 15, 2019
I finally figured out what I want to be when I get older... younger! 😆👶
Fatuma (Guest) on August 13, 2019
Why did the phone break up with the charger? It couldn’t handle the power struggle! 📱🔋
Nasra (Guest) on August 12, 2019
The best part of going to work is coming back home. 🏡💼
Josephine (Guest) on July 28, 2019
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! ☕🚔
Jackson Makori (Guest) on July 21, 2019
😁 This made my day!
Wilson Ombati (Guest) on July 13, 2019
What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner! 🧱😎
Ruth Mtangi (Guest) on July 9, 2019
My alone time is for everyone’s safety. 🚷😅
Diana Mumbua (Guest) on June 30, 2019
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. 📅🙅♂️
Arifa (Guest) on June 28, 2019
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad! 🐸🚗
Jamila (Guest) on June 28, 2019
Why did the robot go on vacation? It needed to recharge! 🤖🔌
Victor Sokoine (Guest) on June 25, 2019
What did the farmer say after losing his tractor? Where’s my tractor? 🚜🤷♂️
Rose Lowassa (Guest) on June 23, 2019
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. 🥃🕰️
Rahim (Guest) on June 13, 2019
Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse! 🐘🖱️
Mary Sokoine (Guest) on June 10, 2019
This joke is too funny, I’m sharing it with everyone! 😂
Andrew Odhiambo (Guest) on June 4, 2019
What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo? A woolly jumper! 🐑🦘
Nora Lowassa (Guest) on June 1, 2019
Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field! 👨🌾🏆
Asha (Guest) on May 23, 2019
Sleep is my drug... my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police. 🛏️😴